(Transcribing from Palm while eating top Ramen and a Banana... for some redeeming quality to this meal)

1:00 PM - On the Ferry over to Kitsap Superior Court

I think I understand why people become work-a-holics. If someone is forced to spend mass amounts of time working and nothing else and then stops, they have to actually see what their life has become and what they've lost. I think it becomes easier to keep going that to stop and face that reality despite how much they want to stop.

At least, that is what I seem to be experiencing.

Today, so far, has been the hardest day of work yet on the case. Trial starts in an hour and a half. You'd think I'd have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off all morning, but I haven't. Everything was ready to go, the biggest thing I did was quadruple check that we have everything and pack some snacks. Other than that, it was a whole bunch of nothing. And it really sucked.

Not having time to think can be good. On one side its great, I can certainly say I don't take myself nearly as seriously as I did when I first started this job. That has been a blessing on so many levels... I can't even describe how wonderful it's been. At the same time, however, the busy-ness is starting to destroy my life on every level. Friends, Family, School, God, working out, what little dating comes my way. When I do have any free time, I'm practically lost on what to do with myself, maybe more scared of trying to have a life because I'm slightly worried that I've forgotten how to interact with people other than co-workers.

9:12 PM - Continuation/Addition
I feel like I'm in a really tough spot. On the one hand my job really sucks. You can ask Peter, Brian, my roommates... the last few weeks especially have been really hard. They've either been a) warned not to bring up work because I will start crying, or b) have been a shoulder to cry on when I do break down (which happens when I have time to think about something other than work).

At the same time though, for some possibly very odd reasons, I absolutely love the job, because I'm learning the meaning of hard work, when something is really on the line. So far in my life, I haven't really had to work hard for anything. I'll be the first to admit that. School has never been a challenge for me. I can say I'm maintaining close to a 3.5 GPA with minimal effort. The times I get bad grades are for one of two reasons. 1) I just don't give a rat’s ass about the subject or 2) I really don't understand the concept of working hard because for the most part I don't have to. Jobs? Well let’s see - Food service, retail, a library. Yeah, not so demanding. All my bosses think I'm a hard worker, but that’s more a comparative thing than how hard I'm *actually* working.

Now that I know what it feels like to buckle down and work for 12 straight hours and produce something meaningful, taking notes during meetings where you can't ask the person speaking to repeat, and writing down questions that will really help you understand what's going on rather than confusing you more... I think my final paper will be a breeze to write. I needed a good butt kicking, and let me tell you, this job has certainly done that.

I kind of wish I could do college over again. Oh well, this will at least give me some really good motivation to a) teach myself stuff and b) really work hard in community college math classes once I get enough money to do so.

Photography side notes:
Had an interview with Chris Watkins yesterday. It was all right. We'll see if he calls me to assist him down the line. If he doesn't I'm not too broken hearted about it. It was nice just to show someone who actually knows a good picture from a bad one my portfolio... though he seemed reluctant to tell me which ones sucked

Took senior photos yesterday for me and Coy (Brian was taking the pics of me). We used my old Olympus camera and I've been befuddled because they turned out so differently than I've ever had pictures come out on this camera... really soft. And I just figured out what it was. My dad took the UV haze filter off of it and I didn't notice it. It's mostly a filter used to protect the lense... but it really does make a difference in look of the pictures.

So, anyone who knows me, or my family, knows I am the baby of the family.  Sometimes that has been fun, but for the most part, slightly aggravating, especially as I am approaching adulthood.  I have lamented often how, just for once, I wish my mom would look at me as a 20 something rather than a five year old.  So that has led to me trying to do EVERYTHING to prove to them I ama responsible, young woman who they don't need to check up on.

But then I realized I'm not sure if I can even see myself as older than 5.  I was getting ready for the new job at the law firm... putting on my nice slacks, and sophisticated sweater, my heels.  And then I was puuting on my makeup and all of a sudden all I could see was a five year old playing dress-up.  It was kind of scary.  I'm not sure what to make of it.

Hey folks.  If you want to see what's going on in my life (or at least what I feel like posting) go to my website.